Warning. Emotional Overload

So.

Guess what. I'm taking the job. Not because I'm afraid of what might happen if I don't. But more because I need to actually see what it is I'm afraid of. Futhermore, it's time I broke away from this montomy of waiting. Waiting for instructions. Waiting for the dream job. Waiting for me to actually decide what the fuck I want to do with my life. I don't know. Until today I don't really know. And it's ok. I finally admitted to myself that it's totally ok if I don't know where I'm going.

So.

Day one of the sega beings.

Deja Dead

I can't believe myself.
I think...no I confirm.. I have no self respect. No convidence. Weak.
I can't make any decisions on my own. I fear fear itself and can't wait to perform my favourite 3 step "panic" sequence.
Scream. Run. Hide.
Bleah. 
I sent resumes. Hoping like hell someone would take notice. Then comfort myself when there's no calls to think that maybe it's a sign that I should go back to school. And when I do get an offer. I ask the whole world what they think and now...I can't decided. Why? Because I'm too fricking scared. I'm positivly shaken by the idea to let someone, or some company own me.
I can't ask for directions anymore because I already know where I'm going.
 

Eternal Sunshine of a Spotted Mind

So.

I got me a job.

A shinking one at that.

Oh well, better late than never. Probably starting work on the 1st of next month. All lady environment. What a pity.
People throwing all sorts of advice at me. Bad. Good. Well, mostly bad. Thought I was the only pessimistic one in the family. Guess not. Some even think they have themselves to thank for me finally being employed. The nerve.

As for me. I got other plans. Guess some of the better ones(Where I walk out of everyone's pitiful lives) have to be shelved for later. Other's which do not really benefit me(where I have to be charitable) will probably have to be taken down for some dusting. *Sneezes*

All in all. No matter how bad some may view this opportunity to be. In the end, they all benefit from it. Maybe not directly, but ultimately they will. So why grumble? Why the gloomy faces? Why all the bad aura? Why do you care? WHEN I'M THE ONE FUCKING TAKING THE FUCKING JOB.

Lobotomy anyone?

Why do we bother trying?
Pointless..

Life.
The very word.

Spoken In Confidence

So readers.
Whoever you may be. It doesn't matter.
As long as I pretend that you don't exist.

Gloom overwhelms as usual.
Suicide has taken over all rational thoughts.

Lying on my side.
Wishing I had the brains to stop crying,
Then maybe my pillow wouldn't be so uncomfortably wet.

I am a woman. Technically.
More like some kid. Stuck somewhere in the middle.
(Anyone who starts humming to what's thats slut's name speares song and I will kick'em in the genitals)

I smoke.
I loath groupies and all people who shout annoying school cheers and those who actually orgasm while doing so.
I crave depressive music.
I like thinking about suicide and how it will hurt the people close to me.

I hardly have friends.
The only ones who stick around,
Are good people.

I'm often mistaken for being a bitch.
Which actually isn't so bad
Cus I don't have to explain myself